tending the garden within

when i hide from others it is my self i am trying to hide from. stepping into the world outside of my cave is stepping into a room full of mirrors. i do not want to see myself, hear myself, explain myself, expose myself, express myself ...-because then maybe i will make my self available for destruction and i fear letting go more than anything. to let go completely is to consciously and intentionally rejoin oneself with all that is, to deny separation, to recognize the oneness of all things and to join it without resistance. sure, i claim to do this sometimes on my own... but how could i truly? how could i really be joining all there is if i attempt to do so in solitude? what i end up joining with is the monkey mind that consumes my breath, my health, my compassion, my openness, my time, my consciousness.

it may be winter outside, but i aim for it always to be spring inside of me. and now, i must go tend to the garden there, and sit with my sisters and brothers as the waters of joy and compassion seep into the soil they have all stretched their roots into.

i will nurture these dying things back to life. and when they are strong enough, i will dance with them.