most likely an insomniac rant of some sort

there are sounds everywhere, music and voices and mental dialogue; they find ways to dance with the images that flash in and out.

was it healthy to rebell against rebellion? in so doing i became nothing... not in the sense of nothingness that is a return to all is-ness, but nothingness in that i no longer acknowledged my being as a facet of god and all is-ness. everything is god as consciousness, appearing as form. everything is god moving, flowing, stilling. everything but, somehow, me... a zombie in the wallpaper, observing. how the little self, the ego, deceives us from seeing what we innately see., what we innately are. how it yanks onto our flight and pulls us back down to its needy and unconscious state of pity. seeing beauty in all that is, i have somehow failed to include myself in that. little self begs in a selfish fit to be told she's beautiful; to be told she is wanted, needed; to be told that she is worthy of all that she envies in others. somehow i allow that to control, and suddenly i am separate from everything. suddenly a canyon is dug between understanding and human attachment... and no amount of contemplative analysis or practice will fill the gap -it is only eroding... there has been no technique as i wait pitifully for something external to cure the dis-eases... something: external? that is impossible.
i know better. why would i do that? certainly i cannot place blame on anything. so what is happening? why has my mind reached this state of confusion as if it is something separate from god? as if it is something separate from god? it is something separate from god? separate from god? god?

ha! this child has allowed mind to once again overthink itself into psychological chaos.

WAKE UP!

YES! NOW! WAKE UP!