the middle

there existed a period of time between the last reflection and this one, during which i existed on a wave of acceptance, openness, understanding, and in-the-moment existentialism. it was not bliss. it was not delusional cloud floating. it simply was. it was it.
of course, i began to label it and wrap my mind around it and become attached to it... and so, the wave which i was riding collapsed. what happened during the collapse was: remembrance of a childhood of painful conditioning, anger release, tears, shouts, silence, inverted contemplation, offerings of love to counteract -to balance- the frustration, and a renewal of the understanding and label of me. i often revert back to that child jackie... alone, neglected, misunderstood, nurtured in all the wrong ways.... and doing so i again victimize myself. but that was then and now i am the woman jacqueline. i am in motion and regenerating. i am wrapping these past occurances in packages of light, forgiveness, and awareness and making them new., whole -returning them to the ground of all things, away from their delusional space of separation and isolation.