i think it is about time i put an entry up here about what's been going on... since a lot has been going on. i never feel like i need to post journal entries when my life is chaotic, because i get so consumed by everything that i have no desire to write about it. somehow, writing about it now presents the opportunity for a sense of closure though. here goes...

*PHONE BILL
t-mobile informed me that i owe them $700 for going over on minutes last month. SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. the most absurd thing i have ever heard. i don't have this kind of money. i am not even making enough income to pay my rent and bills at the moment, and have not been successful with my attempts to land a third gig to bring some money in. very disappointing. very frustrating.

*TOTALED CAR
so, about a week and half ago, i get a phone call at 5:15am from the police telling me to go out to my car. once outside, i see my car has been crashed into while it was parked on the street. it was pushed almost an entire car length forward in to the car in front of it, rear window completely broken, glass throughout entire interior, etc. the car that caused the damage must have driven away and there were no known witnesses. this happened on a thursday morning, and by the following monday the insurance company had declared it a total loss and printed a check for the value of the car (minus the $500 deductible, which should have been paid by the unknown driver if they hadn't decide to run away from their responsibility).

*GRANDMA
the day i was off to pick up my check from the insurance company, i received a phone call just as i was walking out the door. it was my father informing me that my grandmother had been found dead in her home that morning. (natural causes, it is assumed). this was not easy for me (edit: still is not easy for me), since i was very close with my grandmother and always listed her as one of my most favorite people in the entire world. at some point i will write more about her here, but i am not ready for that.

*FLAT TIRE
ok, so this wasn't really that big of a deal, but it kind of seemed like it at the time. amidst dealing with grandma's death and funeral preparations, looking for a new car, trying to figure out how i will still pass this semester's courses, etc... the car that i am borrowing from a friend got a flat tire (while it was parked on the street overnight.... coincidence?). instead of running errands like i had planned, i was restricted to a little spare tire until i had the opportunity to take the tire in to get repaired. this was just an inconvenience really. no big deal. but i could have done without it after everything else.

SO, NOW...
my grandmother's funeral was yesterday. i felt a bit of closure from that. i had my final sobbing session with myself and decided that from this point on all i can do is work harder and being the person my grandma always saw in me. she would not have wanted me moping around and missing out on all the beautiful life experiences that come knocking at my door, so i have decided my mourning phase is coming to an end and now it is time to honor her by living joyfully.
i finally cleaned my apartment (mostly, not entirely). i went to a job interview. i intend to get myself back on track with school and art and everything else i have neglected during this time of stress.

i am ready to be alive again. and if any other ridiculous events occur before i finish this time of relief, you might hear me screaming at the top of my lungs at the absurdity of it all. "god" and i have had a serious talk about this. i am reaching my limit of how much i can handle at once and i need things to ease up a bit.

the end.

(ohh... and... i am pretty sure i have the most amazing girlfriend ever.)