transforming my fear into my guru

when you imagine what bothers you most, your strongest enemy, what you are trying to move away from, ...that is your guru.

i was having this conversation with him, yet i wasn't listening to myself. the fact is: his insecurities bother me because they remind me of my own. i realized this when i watched a video of us interacting; i was cocky and overconfident, trying to compensate for insecurities, trying to pretend i'm 100% comfortable in my skin. and the truth is that i AM significantly more comfortable in my skin than i have been in a long time, BUT the confidence only goes so deep before it hits the brick wall of my loathe-ful self-conditioning.

at some point i changed from a giver to a taker. from a listener to a talker. from a cryer to an offender. i don't know how that happened. so easily distracted from the path.

a return to the ideals of selfless compassion is in order.